ADHD
Every day is new
Everything has been forgotten
All the people in my world today
Have nothing much in common
And I search for stimulation
For some order in my head
For conversations I could have
That make sense to them instead
Tonight my drink fell on the floor
My plate it followed after
And everybody stared at me
My hands are a disaster
There's always conversations
Between adults about me
They seem complex
That I need some sort of treatment they agree
I left my water bottle
And my lunchbox on the bench
And I saw mum's shoulders sink
But this seems to be my best
And I am always working hard
To be someone that I'm not
Always lagging
They're all nagging
And I ask for one more shot
Some say that I am brilliant
That I'm worth getting to know
But the system can't accommodate
For all my overflow
And I got a diagnosis
In hope I'd get assistance
But resources don't allow
So I am learning to be distant
My t-shirts wet from sucking
And my legs don't seem to stop
The world is moving all at once
And I can't stay on top
Today I got my worksheet back
Each year I seem to slip
I hang onto every detail
But my memory won't transmit
And I have so many great ideas
But cannot sit for long
And I really struggle when somebody
Tells me I am wrong
I never get my point across
I just can't find the words
So you'll never understand me
I'm all muddled up with nerves
And people think I do not feel
The truth is I feel deep
I just struggle to communicate
I worry in my sleep
When the world is making headway
I am desperate to catch up
To feel accomplished
Make the shortlist
I can't help but interrupt
I watch and wait for social cues
But everyone's moved on
I wasn't listening
Too busy
Thinking 'where did I go wrong'
I'm impulsive and I seek to live
Inside your body space
I'm not annoying, just employing
Ways that help me to feel safe
And I want to be a part of
All your fun activities
But I'm overwhelmed by rules
And all of your abilities
I've tried to please my parents
My teachers and my friends
I don't remember who I am now
Where they start and where I end
My whole life I've spent in chaos
Searching for the norm
I have run a million marathons
Trying to conform
And now that I am older
You'll notice I am quiet
It's not that I am better
I'm just trying hard to hide
All the things that I'm ashamed of
The parts of me I learned
Were not adequate for you
Or your judgment and concern
I walk into the classroom
Everybody's dressed in red
I was meant to pass that letter on
My heart is full of dread
My life's made up of stories
A reflection of exchanges
I'll revisit them forever
While my worry rearranges
The confusion and the stuff ups
Conversations that went wrong
I wish that I was normal
That I could just belong
I don't know which parts to share with you
What bones in me are worth
All the digging you must do
To discover and unearth
All the magic I possess
The gifts I could translate
If only I had courage
Didn't let my head dictate
I would own all of my differences
Honour all that is about me
I'd climb out of my disguise
And make friends with ADHD
For my boy,
And all of us on this journey
Bec Oldmeadow
2024
