The Absence of Occasions

It's a strange idea

To submerge your whole being deep into the sacred solitude of everyday

Inhaling the mundane and subconscious realm that is home life

To be centred in the uncomfortable absence of occasions that are planned and pursued

Embracing the uneventful

The repetitive

The relentless

The sound of their breathing

Crying

Living

Reaching for you

Falling willingly into the minutes and hours that are now so constant and dull, that they have quietly disappeared into the abyss of your subconscious mind

It is worth remembering

That if all were lost

In a moment

You would run

Like in a dream

You would run and you would keep on running

Chasing

Searching

Choking on desperation

And heartache

Reaching for all that once lived quietly in the shadows of your chaotic mind

You would beg for another chance

You would promise to be present and aware

Of this constant, beautiful and unchanging life

The life that unfolds

No matter what

The life that demands nothing but stillness to survive

You would suddenly feel

Every minute

Every hour

Every touch

Every tear

You would promise to love exhaustion

Sleepless nights

You would promise to watch yourself

Embracing

Raising

Nurturing

You would vow to put things on hold

To abandon goals

To befriend your wounds

To tumble and be swallowed by

The car ride

The play

The conversations

Exchanges

Embraces

The nothingness

If it were all gone

This life

That waited so patiently

That tried tirelessly to remind you

Of all that really mattered

Would be perfect

This life would be

Enough

So feel it all

The running water

The weight of their growing bodies

The tiredness of your bones

The sun

The ground

And plant yourself deep in the soil

Be still

Feel their search for you

Let them touch you

Need you

Want you

Hear the car pull in

The door

The kiss

The bark

The laughter

Because the pain you feel now

The suffering

Shame

Battles

And failures

Are only your need for more

Let the simple moments feed you

And live on in your heart

As if they were all you ever longed for

R. Oldmeadow

November 24